I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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