I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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