I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I need moral support for this bender
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize