Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it glows. i had to have it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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