Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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