The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize