Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize