So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize