A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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