he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
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I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
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Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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