I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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