plz talk dirty to me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize