wakey wakey hands off snakey
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Semen is not good for contacts.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize