a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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