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don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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