I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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