just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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