1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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