i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
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The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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