oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize