I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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