If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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