I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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