I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So many bounce houses so little time
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize