I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize