If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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