I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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