his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
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I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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