Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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