I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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