It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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