It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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