so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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