shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize