I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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