went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
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BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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