i may or may not be watching the land before time
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize