so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
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I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My ass is underappreciated
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He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need to calm my uterus...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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