my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize