and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize