nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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