God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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