Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
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You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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