She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
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my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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