i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
barbara walters just said penis...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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