Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
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Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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