I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have tasted many bathrooms
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize