Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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