His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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