Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We left the knife in your bed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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